National Grief Awareness Week is a time to think more about how we treat people who have been bereaved. Do we make assumptions about how they feel? Do we ask inappropriate questions without realising? Or do we simply stay quiet to avoid offending someone. This article shows the right and wrong language to use when talking to someone who is going through a bereavement. If you need further guidance or want to share the knowledge with someone - we have a FREE downloadable guide.
If you’ve ever paused before speaking to someone who’s grieving, you’re not alone. Most of us worry about saying the wrong thing. Sometimes that fear makes us avoid the topic altogether or fall back on phrases that don’t really help.
Grief is something everyone experiences, but talking about it often feels complicated. The truth is, the words we choose matter. They can make someone feel understood and supported, or leave them feeling even more isolated.
Why Language Matters
When someone is grieving, words aren’t just filler. They can validate feelings, show care, and create connection. Using their loved one’s name or simply acknowledging their pain can mean a lot.
On the other hand, language that minimises or tries to “fix” grief often comes from discomfort, not malice. We’re taught to focus on positivity and solutions, but grief doesn’t follow those rules.
Phrases That Can Hurt (Even When Well-Intentioned)
“They’re in a better place.” – Can feel dismissive of the pain someone is feeling right now.
“At least they lived a long life.” – Comparisons don’t make grief easier. Loss is loss.
“Sorry you had a miscarriage, at least you can try again.” – Minimises the heartbreak of losing a baby.
“Everything happens for a reason.” – Can shut down honest conversation and isolate real emotions.
What Helps Instead
There’s no perfect script, what feels right will vary for each person. Some may want quiet presence, others words of comfort. A helpful approach is mirroring language: listen closely and reflect the words they use. For example, do they say “my person died” or “I lost my person”? Are they using their loved one’s name? These cues help you respond in a way that feels personal and respectful.
If you’re unsure where to start, here are some examples:
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I’m thinking of you and here for you.”
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.”
“Would it help if I…?” – Offer something practical, like bringing a meal or helping with errands.
Use their loved one’s name. – It reminds them that person still matters.
In the Workplace
Grief doesn’t stop at the office door. Workplaces can feel especially tricky, but small changes make a big difference:
Check in regularly. Grief isn’t linear, protect time in the first weeks and months after someone returns to work.
Avoid assumptions. Grief looks different for everyone. Some may want extra support, others may use work as a distraction.
Give space without forcing conversation. Sometimes sitting in silence and simply being present is the greatest gift you can give.
This National Grief Awareness Week, take a moment to think about the words you use. Could they bring comfort, or unintentionally cause harm?
If you’d like a free guide to The Language of Loss, download it here. It’s a practical tool for workplaces to help navigate these conversations with care.
