Step by step: supporting a bereaved employee

As a line manager, you will want to support your colleague as they find their new normal after being bereaved. This will involve a mixture of emotional and practical support.

Normal employment rules still apply to someone who has been bereaved.

Some of them, such as being sensitive to why a colleague might ask for leave on particular dates, are fairly simple. Others, such as helping someone who is struggling with grief or whose whole career plan needs to change, may be more complicated.

Here are some things to consider:

If someone you manage has been bereaved, it’s important to acknowledge their loss and offer your condolences as soon as you can. Often bereaved employees report that they can feel ignored or avoided by their managers or colleagues. Even if you assume that the person knows you are there for them, initiating a conversation to remind them can be helpful.

The What to say to a bereaved colleague section can provide in-depth guidance for having these conversations.

Something simple like “I’m really sorry to hear about your loss” is a good start. Asking open questions like “How are you feeling today?” or “How are you coping?” lets the other person know that you care and would like to support them.  

They may not want to talk in detail about what has happened. You could offer to speak at another time or check in with them later to see if anything has changed.

After the initial conversation, it’s important to keep in touch and regularly check in to see how they are doing.

If the employee spends some time away from work, ask things like:

• How they would like to stay in contact (Email, phone, text, etc)
• How often they would like to hear from you

Some employees may want to share details with their colleagues. Everyone is different. It’s important to keep in mind that by law, an employee doesn’t need to share their bereavement with their colleagues. It is also important to maintain confidentiality and not assume that any details you have been told can be shared with others.

Ask the employee if or what they would like to be shared with colleagues. Sometimes writing down what the employee tells you and reading this back to them can be easier than trying to explain it yourself.

You may also want to ask if you and your team can send a condolence gift or card. This may be common in some cultures and less appropriate for others.

If colleagues are informed, encouraging them to acknowledge the loss of their colleague can help the bereaved employee feel supported. If they are unsure what to say you may want to share the Compassionate Employers guidance with them.

Immediately after the death the bereaved person may need leave to deal with practical issues such as arranging a funeral. Over the next weeks and months they may need time to manage executing a will or handling an estate, both of which are tasks that may need to take time out of the working week.

Bereavement may also mean big changes for someone’s caring responsibilities. If the person who has died was caring for children or older relatives, those responsibilities may now fall to your colleague. This may mean that they need to replan their working arrangements.

If the person who died was the main earner in a family, your colleague may need to change the way they work or even change their job.

Grief and mourning practices can be very personal. Depending on your employees religious, cultural or spiritual practices there may be extra support or considerations to make. It is important to not assume we know someone’s beliefs or lack thereof.

Line managers should ask if there are any arrangements or practices to be aware of. Your HR team can help you with advice around taking time off and how that should be handled.

At a difficult time like this, you will want only to ask questions you actually need to know the answers to, such as: 

• Do they need leave to travel to allow them to fulfil religious obligations?
• Is there a cultural expectation that they return the dead person to the country where they were born?
• Are there any cultural practices, such as fasting, which colleagues need to know about?
• Would it be appropriate for colleagues to attend the funeral? If so, is there anything those colleagues need to know?
• If you plan to arrange a collection, what would be a suitable tribute? For example, flowers might be appropriate for one religion but not for another.

Public Health England has published a summary of different faiths, which provides some helpful insight.

Grief can affect an employee for many months. It may affect their memory, concentration or ability to make decisions. They may also have big life changes such as additional caring responsibilities, financial concerns or legal issues to address.

Every employee will react and experience grief differently, which is why having a flexible approach is important. You will want to find out from the bereaved employee when they think they can return to work, and whether adjustments such as a phased return or flexible hours would be helpful. You may also want to discuss a change in responsibilities or duties, at least initially.

Grief is not a linear process. Your employee may have good days and bad days, regardless of how much time has passed. Everyone will cope differently, so it’s important not to judge how much time it takes to process grief.

Many bereaved people notice that there is a lot of support in the initial stages of their grief, and less support as time goes on. Offering ongoing support ensures the bereaved employee feels supported throughout their entire grief journey.

You can do this by:

• Having regular conversations and incorporating wellbeing check-ins into your 1:1s. Ask the employee how they are coping, anything they are finding particularly difficult and if there is any further support they may find helpful.
• Acknowledging key dates and anniversaries. If appropriate, it can be thoughtful to keep track of dates such as important dates such as birthdays or religious holidays, to let the employee know that you are thinking of them and offer extra support.
• Consider the impact on the wider team. If other team members have to absorb additional responsibilities or workload as a result of their colleague’s bereavement it’s important to check in with them and ensure they feel supported too. A bereavement may also trigger feelings of grief for colleagues who have had similar experiences, so offering signposting or support can be helpful.

If you offer staff support through an Employee Assistance Programme it is helpful to remind staff of how to access this. You may want to write down or share the details so they can access it outside of work or during their compassionate leave.

The signposting section of this hub provides practical, emotional, financial and legal advice for those who have been bereaved, are carers or are impacted by a diagnosis.

It is important to remind the bereaved employee that they are not alone. There are many specialist organisations and trained professionals who can help, as well as peer groups and community groups for those in similar circumstances.

Remember, you don’t need to ‘fix’ your bereaved employee. You don’t need to have all the answers or know exactly what to do at every turn. What’s important is to show compassion, listen to the other person and keep the conversation open. Managing someone who has been bereaved can be very difficult for you too, so take some time to read the help for you section 

Coming back to work after a bereavement can be daunting for the person who has been bereaved, and potentially uncomfortable for their colleagues.

It is normal to feel awkward talking to someone who has been bereaved, but it is important not to let that get in the way of trying.

Here are some tips to make it easier for everyone:

• Returning towards the end of the week or on a part-time basis for the first few days can help the bereaved person to adjust back into work.
• Most people want their loss to be acknowledged and to be treated as normally as possible when they return to work.
• The first reference to the bereavement should be private and as natural as possible. You may not need a special meeting if your workplace layout allows you to have a short private conversation.
• Let colleagues know that the bereaved person will be coming back and share with them any information you can about what has happened, how they would like to be treated and where colleagues can find support if they need it.

As part of treating the bereaved person normally, as a line manager you will want to make sure that they are brought up to date with what has been happening in the workplace, including staff changes, and planning their work schedule.

People can be over-optimistic about how easily they will get back into their work routine so you could:

• Make a point of checking regularly how well they are managing and adjusting their workload if necessary
• Reassure them of your support
• Remind them about what the organisation can do for them in terms of flexible working and compassionate leave.

To be able to best support your colleagues, check with your HR team about the policies that are in place and what benefits are available from your employer for someone who has been bereaved.