How to talk about your support needs

It is completely up to you how much or how little you share with your workplace after a bereavement. Some people may feel comfortable sharing details whilst others may want to stick to the very basics.

• Arrange time with your manager that will be private, interrupted and not rushed.
• If you feel comfortable, you may want to let them know beforehand what you will be discussing so they have time to prepare to support you. It can also be helpful to think about exactly what you are comfortable sharing.
• Let your manager or HR department know what you would like shared with colleagues, if anything.
• Familiarise yourself with any policies, processes or benefits you are entitled to. Your manager will be able to provide this too.
• If you will need time off work, or adjustments such as flexible working, ask your manager or HR team for support.

Remember, you are not obligated to talk about your caring responsibilities, but many people find it helpful to let their manager or workplace know. Your manager will want to put support in place to help you and the sooner they know, the quicker they can support you.

It can also help to explain why you may need time off or flexible working arrangements.

• Find a time that works for you both. Make sure you have plenty of time scheduled so the conversation is not rushed.
• Find a place that is quiet and private.
• Beforehand you may want to think about what you are comfortable sharing with your employer or manager. It can be helpful to write this down. You don’t need to share details about the person you care for, but you may want to.
• You may also want to think about how your caring role might sometimes affect your work, for example, needing to take time off at short notice.
• Ask about any employee benefits or policies that will be relevant for you such as a Carers Policy.
• Think about some solutions for you and your employer to discuss.
• Keep a note of what you discuss and agree upon so you can refer back to it later.
• Arrange a regular time to check in and discuss your support needs, in case anything changes.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a life-limiting or terminal illness, or your health has changed in some way, it can be difficult to tell your employer. You may be feeling stressed or scared, which is very normal. It’s important to remember that help is available.

Telling your employer means they can help you by making reasonable adjustments. This may include flexible working, or adjustments to your job role. They will want to ensure you can get to appointments or treatment as needed.

There are many people you can talk to, which will depend on your organisation. This may include:

• Line manager
• HR representative
• An occupational health advisor
• Or a trade union representative

If you are nervous, you can take a support person with you such as a friend, colleague or trade union representative.

Ensure you are meeting in a private place where you won’t be interrupted and that both you and the person you’re meeting with have plenty of time.

You may want to write notes for your reference. Your employer representative may take notes too. They should not share these with anyone else without your permission.

It may be helpful to write down what you want to say or ask. This could include:

• Who you want to know about your condition and how much information you want to share
• Who you would like to tell those people
• Any immediate work concerns you have
• Any working arrangements or adjustments that may be helpful for you
• How you will manage work and any treatment or appointments, if applicable
• Asking about what benefits and policies will be helpful, including sick leave, sick pay, counselling and occupational health
• If you are comfortable talking about your condition, you may want to discuss how your employer can find more information about it to help them best support you.

If you are taking time off work temporarily, it can be helpful where possible to discuss some points with your employer before you do. This may include:

• How you want to keep in touch and how often
• Who will be informed of your absence and what they will be told
• A return to work plan, if / when you return