Who I’m remembering this Christmas

From Mia Damerum

"My mum, Kanako, was an endlessly creative woman. When she wasn’t doodling or crocheting, she was cooking something delicious in the kitchen. Six years on from my mum’s death, I’ve mostly settled in to a ‘new normal,’ but I still find the festive season challenging without her.

"New Year’s is especially difficult for me, as it’s the most important time in the Japanese calendar. Each year, my mum would make soba noodles and crunchy tempura fritters on New Year’s Eve, and ozōni, a comforting mochi and vegetable stew eaten on New Year’s Day. These meals are eaten for good fortune and prosperity every Japanese New Year, and now I make these meals to keep both my mum’s memory alive, and to keep in touch with my Japanese heritage.

"It still feels overwhelmingly sad to start another new year without my mum, but continuing to make the recipes she taught me keeps me grounded during this challenging time of year."
 

From Lora Christy

“This Christmas, I'm remembering my dad, David, who died in 2019. I'll be remembering his humour and silliness, which lives on in my children (the grandchildren he didn't get to meet in this life, but who embody his fun-loving, practical joker spirit every day), aiming to enjoy being in the moment with my family, and falling asleep on the sofa with a full belly and a full heart.”

From Jayne Allen

“My Dad was disabled for 17 years after a brain haemorrhage at the age of 59 years. Many times Dad was in and out of hospital. 

“After developing pneumonia, he deteriorated further. He died with me, my mum and my three brothers there – his funeral was on 6th December 2016. 

“The first Christmas was difficult and emotional but although we miss him immensely we remember his humour and the wonderful memories we have. We will never stop missing him but being able to be there when it mattered the most has been comforting to me and my family because he was able to die a dignified peaceful death at home where he wanted to be. God bless you Dad always xxx”

From Jackie Ballard

"Christmas has always been a time for family, full of laughter, familiar traditions and the comforting kind of chaos that comes when everyone is together. 

“When someone you love is missing, the season naturally changes. For me, Christmas will never be quite the same without my husband, Phil. It has instead become a moment to honour his life and the love that still carries me through. This time of year brings his presence closer, and I find myself grateful for the laughter he brought into my world, the love he shared so generously, and the memories that continue to guide and steady me."

From Donna Lancaster

“My dad, my rock, was taken from us so suddenly at the age of just 67. This past year there has been so much emotion, the tears have flowed and trying to juggle everyday life has been a struggle. It has taken a good year to find a path forward that works for me. 

“This Christmas I will be listening to my dad’s vinyls on my new record player. It makes him feel close and I feel I can smile again. As a palliative care nurse I feel I can now relate to my relatives in a completely different level. The feeling of loss is a feeling no one can describe but it feels good to be able to now celebrate his memory. Love you dad xxx”

From Nicola Gray

“My mum is one of life’s good people who sadly passed from an aggressive and rare stomach cancer after 2 months of the diagnosis. It’s approaching the anniversary. I don’t know how I’ve survived this long without her. I’ve lost a big part of me, and I have a void that can never be filled.

“However, at the same time, I feel fortunate to have had the mother I did. Her purpose in life was to be a mother and she is to me and my sisters; she had so much love, kindness and compassion to give. 

"Now, being in the grief “club” feels bizarre. Grief is a silent pain that no one can see, yet it runs through your mind & body every day. I feel pain in ways I never knew possible, yet I also feel and see beauty more intensely than I ever have. This is my life now, I'm a motherless daughter, and everything I do will be to honour my mother; she gave me life and love.”

From Lydia Eyland

“We weren't expecting to lose Quinn. Despite being supported by Little Harbour, the children's hospice in St Austell, for many years, our twelve-year-old son didn't have a life-limiting diagnosis. So to find ourselves travelling there in December 2022 after a rollercoaster two weeks of intensive care was not something we could ever have felt ready for. 

“And yet, it felt like coming home. 

“Little Harbour allowed Quinn the best possible death, and us the best possible grief. In the following days spent there with our two younger children, we decided to create a star for the top of our Christmas tree. It is decorated with pictures and every year sits proudly atop the tree, our very own star Quinn.”

From Kieron Hale

“This Christmas we are remembering my mother in-law Elaine. Elaine adored the Downton Abbey series, but unfortunately passed away before the series finished. My husband, Andrew, and I finished the series in her memory. This year we’re visiting Highclere Castle, the filming location of Downton Abbey. We plan to tour the castle, viewing the Christmas decorations and enjoy a festive afternoon tea in Elaine's memory.”

From Nicola Wood

“At Christmas, my thoughts drift back to my mum and dad with a quiet ache. Mum was always a worrier, carrying the weight of the season on her shoulders, yet doing her best to make it special. Dad, a chef through and through, found his joy in the kitchen, filling the house with warmth, noise and the smell of good food. Their contrasting spirits shaped my childhood Christmases in ways I still feel today. 

“Although they’ve been gone for many years, I still miss them deeply. In the stillness of the season, their absence feels tender and profound, but so does their love.”

From Bob Johnson

“In April 2025 my wife's journey came to an end. We knew in the August that she hadn't long left to live. Our lives turned upside down, not helped by my surgery. We moved to Scotland – grateful we did. We read books daily. An insatiable amount, Mandy read or I read to her. 

"This Yule, Mandy will be here with me, a Yule log on the fire. Lights on the tree. Presents already bought: her perfume, chocolates and a book. I'll be reading her Dickens at Christmas and The Famous Five.”

From Maria Margetts

“My wife died in Feb 2015 after a long illness and since then Christmas isn’t the same. Because, you see: I married Mrs Christmas. The house was dressed in decorations, most that she made and painted herself. We would come home from work and school and find the house transformed.

“When she died… well, the spirit around Christmas died too. Oh I tried, but it just hasn’t been the same.

“But I’ve kept one tradition. We always went to Birmingham Christmas market and she would eat the German Potatoes and Mushrooms with garlic sauce, and although I hate mushrooms, I still buy this for her (I just eat the potatoes!)

“For the last few years I have been meeting up with other members of WAY (Widowed and Young) but I’m not sure if I have the energy at the moment to organise.

“So I will go on my own I think, walk the streets, see the sights and wish her and my son Nathan well, wherever they may be together.”

Read Maria’s story, which was featured as part of #IRemember in 2022.

From Paul Heppleston

“My grandson Nathanael died at 17 days old in October 2024. This will be his second Christmas and already he is a key part of my life, for, as a Christian, I firmly believe that he is alive in the very best sense – or as the Iona Community puts it…he moved ‘from Life to Greater Life.’”

From Claire Davidson

“This Christmas I will be remembering my dad, who died in June 2024. Christmas has a different feel now that dad has died, but a glass will be raised and my mum and I will watch old comedies like ‘Dad’s Army’ which he loved. We will go up to the cemetery in the morning to put some flowers down for him. 

“Dad loved the outdoors; he loved the mountains and hill walking. I’m reading his many mountain journals he kept which has been a delight but also tinged with sadness. I like to think he is back on the hills charging up to the top. The quote on Dad’s headstone is very fitting for him: ‘The Mountains Are Calling, & I Must Go’. Love you Dad x”

From Dawn Stewart

“I have three loved ones who have sadly left the earth’s plane: my parents and my nephew. Sadness always erupts in its most vigorous form on special occasions. Christmas is one of those times, so how do I remember them and celebrate the love we shared as a family? 

"Well it has been a tradition that along with my family we go to the Christingle service at the church where marriage/christenings etc have taken place. We light the candle and reflect on all the goodness and fond memories we hold of our loved ones. 

“I still love them deeply. My peace is in the fact that I do believe that they are together. On Christmas day I re-light the Christingle and wish them a merry Christmas. I send heart-felt love to all those who have loved and lost. X”

From Angela Irons

“I will be remembering my husband, Michael, who died in September 2025. We had been married for 50 years. This year I just want to have a quiet day to cope with my feelings on my own. I will visit his grave in the village churchyard and have a chat with him.”

From John Woodhouse

“Christmas always brings back memories of Dad playing the organ and directing the carol service and Mum preparing a delicious lunch on Christmas Day. Christmas is not Christmas until we have gathered round the piano to sing our favourite carols especially Darke "In the bleak midwinter" and have a little cry. It's a bittersweet feeling. 

"Mum and Dad died within a week of each other in Sydney in 2006. But they would want us to be happy and enjoy the music!”

From Nicola Payne

“This Christmas we will be missing my auntie, who we lost in 2024. She was truly special, holding a place in the heart of our family, and we miss her every single day. To honour her memory, we’ll be attending a Light Up a Life service held at a local church by Beaumond House, the hospice where she spent her final weeks. 

“This year, the service falls on her birthday, which feels like a beautiful way to celebrate her life. We’ll share stories, light a candle, and remember the laughter and love she gave us. Her presence will always be with us, shining bright in our hearts.”

From Susan Martin

“My dad passed away on 2nd February 2024 after a long slow painful time. His passing has changed me forever. As we are approaching Christmas I get anxious and overwhelmed with grief. I will be taking time on my own to reflect on all the good news times, and I will also be spending time with my family and friends to celebrate my dad’s life. 

"Be kind to yourself: there is no right or wrong when it comes to grief.”

From Penelope Upton

“I lost my dad at age 72. I don’t think anyone can get over a death…I hold dear my dad in his 60’s following me in his car down country lanes while I rode my horse. My dad did this to keep me company, albeit a small distance away from me while I rode down the lanes. But on reflection I have never felt so loved and adored. 

"A big man with a huge heart, he went too soon. In his spare time he painted stable doors even though he suffered from arthritis – he did his best to help me in little ways. He loved his red wine and he loved Christmas. I miss him every day and so I try and remember our special times together. Love you dad xxx”

From Renee Jones

“I especially remember all my birth family at Christmas time. They are my father, mother and sisters Valerie and Lavina, also my brother Fred. I’m now the only one left as they all died at an early age. I miss them all very much but I hope I’m making them proud by trying to get on with my life and remain positive.”

From Sandra Malins

"I’m remembering my brother Ian, who died at 58 — far too young. He was mad keen on music of all genres, Liverpool FC, a keen ‘foody’, and loved his two grownup children very much. Ian was a twin to our sister Debbie, and together they were certainly a handful for my parents in the 1970s and 80s. Even as he faced cancer and its harsh treatments, he never complained. I remember his strength, his spirit, and the amazing support from friends, family, and hospice staff. The staff at the hospice were amazing and none of us could have got through this experience without them and all the care they gave to Ian - and his family. 

"Understanding the process of death helped my sister and I to deal what what was going to happen to Ian - he really didn’t want to know - and that’s an individual choice. Dying does matter and it’s so important to talk about it with family while we are alive, to communicate wishes and desires.

"We are gutted he’s no longer with us, but grateful for the memories."

From Manya Merodoulaki

"December 2020 was my first Christmas without my mum, who died that September. I had promised her I’d be there for Christmas, and though she was gone, I battled through challenging Covid-19 restrictions and flew home to be with my father. He was waiting for cancer treatment, anxious and frail, and I tried to reassure him, sitting beside him, covering him with his jacket and hugging him to reduce his anxiety. I made his favourite Christmas cookies, soaked in honey syrup, and cooked the traditional chicken soup and soft, slow-roasted meat and potatoes he loved. We watched pigeons together over coffee before his first treatment. 

"My father died a few months later. I live with the memory of him as a fighter for his life, a frightened one, but fighter nevertheless."

From Pauline Fox-Reid

"I am remembering my international family, who have suffered too many preventable deaths—covid, autosomal recessive genetics, sickle cell anaemia, cancers, pollution, organ failure, sepsis, chronic pain, stroke, and more. I remember the armed forces, veterans, carers, nurses, doctors, teachers, musicians, and so many others who shaped our family since 1565, with Jamaican roots back to 1625. Our family did unpaid palliative care, including the children. I cherish memory gardens and happy memories. Our legacy lives on in the sun, moon, stars, plants, animals, and the cycle of life. Many were health professionals, engineers, SEN qualified, and carers. 

"Despite being ignored in bereavement and living with chronic stress, I send one love to the family. Peace be with you."

From Rebecca Sohn

“Every year, I honour the loss of my daughter, Manon Alexandra Sohn (1991–2017), through an annual open letter to bereaved parents. 

“In the letter this Christmas, I write that with the holidays upon us, I am reminded of the season’s message of love and joy, but also of the struggle to reconcile the world’s injustices. I belong to the community of bereaved parents — a group with no borders, ethnicity, or government, but one that is powerful and healing. Our compassion is earned through loss, and we comfort each other with kind deeds. 

“During the holidays, I remember Manon through candles, prayers, and rituals, and I encourage others to reach out with compassion, honouring our children’s legacy. Love ties us together, transcending time. In the words of Emily Dickinson, 'The loved are unable to die, for love is eternal.'"