The six compassionate superpowers

Challenge yourself to be conscious when your mind is drifting off. How will you be mindful of your thoughts and bring focus back to the person in front of you?

Show your listening skills, for example by nodding, eye contact or verbal cues ("I see", "Mhmm"). This encourages the person to continue and is particularly helpful over phone or video.

Try paraphrasing what you've heard to show you are listening. Try taking what you have heard and repeating it back to the other person. For example "What I'm hearing is..."

If the conversation moves away from the bereaved person, consider how you could respond to bring the conversation back to them. For example, "Have you experienced something similar or different?"

If your response isn't appropriate, consider phrases you can say to show you're sorry. Take accountability by saying something like "I can see I've hurt your feelings saying that. I'm sorry. Thank you for your understanding, I'm still learning.“

Sometimes responding with our own experiences may not be helpful. Be mindful of the right time to make your contribution. You might say "Would it be helpful to hear my experience or are you just looking for someone to listen to you right now?

Noticing subtle emotions can be challenging. If in doubt, tell the other person what you have noticed to make sure it is reliable.

Next time you are in a work environment with many people, take time to notice the unique nuances and behaviours that you can spot. This can help you to notice such details in your compassionate conversations.

Being observant is easier without unnecessary distractions. Consider what you can do before your conversations begin to limit this such as silencing your phone, booking a private room.

Consider how you can support the bereaved person to feel comfortable in those quiet moments. Set silence up as an expectation by saying ‘Take your time, I can wait’, ‘If we sit for 20 seconds or 3 minutes in silence, it’s fine’.

Working with silence can be powerful and help you to better engage in a conversation with bereaved people. You can create space for silence in your own responses by saying something like "Thank you for sharing. I'm going to take a moment to think about how I want to respond."

Consider how you will know if silence is the right choice. What signs would you be looking for that to tell you the other person needs a moment? What signs would show that they are expecting a response?

Emotional conversations can be draining. Consider how you will look after yourself and process your own emotions once the conversation is finished, for example by going for a walk or writing down your feelings.

It's important to have a clear idea of boundaries and limitations in the support you can offer, as a range of emotions may come up during your conversations. How will you know if further support or signposting is needed? 

When we respect emotions we don't try to change or fix how people are feeling. However, we can support people to find coping strategies that work for them. Asking questions about the bereaved person's current support can be a good starting point to help them identify their support needs.

Expand your understanding of bereavement by reading case studies from different people of different backgrounds. Consider how their perspective may be shaped by the experiences.

Consider trying to understand a perspective you don't agree with from the others point of view. What experiences would lead them to think that way? What differences or similarities can you notice with them?

Our own biases or expectations may arise when we engage in compassionate bereavement conversations. Consider some of the beliefs, norms or expectations you had during your own grief process, if applicable. This may help you to understand how your perspective is shaped by your unique experience.